Ambien. No doubt about it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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