My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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