oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
