We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
