i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
