you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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