I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I AM VODKA MAN
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
