kristin has been a bad kristin
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
