I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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