My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
