If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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