he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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