I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
