so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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