in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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