it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
