I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
