I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
