we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
