It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
