and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
