you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
