at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
