My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
