But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
