This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
