At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
