Plan B is the new Plan A
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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