I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
