I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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