every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
