dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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