I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
