she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
