I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
