No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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