I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
