um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
