your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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