just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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