Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
