so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
