Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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