meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
