yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
