Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
