Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i barfeds in our rink
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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