what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
