Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
