halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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