Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
