South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
