He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
