I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
