i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
